Single, Sick and Tired

I have often been teased, harassed even, by married and single-but-no-longer-available friends and relatives about my singleness. I get tired of hearing it and sometimes I cringe at the thought of having to defend myself. I have always been that way (NO! not single! DEFENSIVE!!!). But I believe I don't owe anyone an explanation for my being single. My choice is to simply be HAPPY.

Like me, a whole lot of other single women have had their share of 'harassments'. But as my
good friend Justine so eloquently put it, we are still living and loving the single life! (despite being taunted all the time..)

My idol Melanie Lim, a fellow 'Hearter' and a SunStar columnist, pens her thoughts in this article.

..and I just can't help but smile and nod in agreement... ☺


Single, sick and tired

By Melanie T. Lim


I’ve been asked a million times why I am single.


Well, why not? But you know something, I will not engage in debate about which is better– single or married because we all know that neither is better.


Each is simply different. And contrary to what most people believe, I am not anti-marriage. I am simply pro-choice.


But I am also single, sick and tired.


You see, being single does not only make you extra vulnerable to the advances of men in all shapes and sizes, it also makes you vulnerable to the elaborate plans of friends and strangers who suddenly feel it is their mission in life to make you a wife. Now, what is so bad about not being a wife? Does not being one make me less of a woman? Or a human being?


I confess society’s scorn often defeats me.


I commiserate with all single women who have had to bear the brunt of unwanted queries and unsolicited advice from well-meaning people. I empathize with those who have had to be subjected to endless rounds of interrogations and dragged to countless blind dates by excited and hopeful friends and colleagues.


The assistance is sincerely appreciated. Still, one might inquire first if one’s assistance is required. Or one might think first if one’s assistance was actually solicited. You see, an intervention, no matter how well intentioned, is still an intrusion.


And then, after the WHY comes the WHEN, “When are you getting married?”


The single life can truly wear you down. They’ll never stop till you produce a husband. I’ve been hounded in malls, accosted in supermarket aisles, interrogated in doctor’s offices about my single state. I feel I have no choice but to succumb to the unthinkable.


No, I am not getting married. But I am penning my answers.


I believe that the path towards love and lifetime commitment is a journey that each of us must make in our lives at our own pace. Some are quicker than others in arriving at their destinations. Some take a little bit longer.


Others, while taking the scenic route, altogether change their minds about where they want to go. There are forks along the way. There are no guarantees we will not stray. We make defining decisions throughout our lives. Only one thing is certain: All things come into being in their own time.


Be like my best friend, Camille.


Not once since we were five has she ever asked me any of these silly questions. Not even after she married the love of her life. And this was 15 years ago. She does not begrudge me for being single. She does not feel I am wasted in spinsterhood. She believes in me and in my ability to decide for myself what state shall truly become me.


Why must I take the path you have taken? Why must I go where you have gone?


And why must I do it now? Will my life be worse or better for taking the road less traveled? Or will it simply be different? I am single, sick and tired. But I am not yet sick and tired of being single.


(The writer can be reached at melanietlim@hotmail.com)